David and Brenda Hoehne Talks, April 28th, 2007 - From "A Gathering For Justice"

David
I'd like to thank you for having us here today and allowing my story to be heard. Look at me as a face of thousands of others who as children have been sexually abused by clergy.
I will not go into detail of my abuse, but I would like you to know that no matter what the situation, it is always devastating and overwhelming for each of us to endure. I will tell you, however, that I was abused as a 12 year old child in the rectory of our parish. I am currently 39 years old and have been fighting this emotional and spiritual battle since I was 12. As a child I faced tremendous fear of the priest. And as an adult it has turned from fear to pain and resentment towards not only my abuser but also the hierarchy of our church. Some people say that details of the events of abuse often fade or become blurred over the years. I can assure you that anyone who has been abused that I have spoken with, that it not so. For example, in my case, I can tell you that the headboard of the bed was on the west wall; the comforter on the bed where he molested me was white. I could tell you where I sat, where he stood, where his hand went... in detail, but I think you get the picture. These memories never leave or fade away. I told no one of my abuse, even my closest friends whom I have now learned were also abused in the same rectory. To sum it up, the innocence of my childhood was stolen from me at the age of 12. I continued to go to church while living with my parents as expected, but I just went through the motions without any belief. It was not until 1995 that I even had the courage to tell my parents.
I was trying to hold onto my faith for my parent’s sake, but even with their support and that of my wife at the time, I had become separated from God. How could he let this happen to me in the first place??
Unbeknownst to me, I was not only harmed physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. I lost my religion, I lost my faith in God. Because of my emotional instability, my first marriage lasted only a little over a year. I continued to drift further and further away from God.
For the past 12 years I have worked in the airline industry where there is a lot of potential for climbing the corporate ladder. I had applied for many positions around the country including in Dallas and as fate would have it, I ended up in Jacksonville, FL in 2001. I mentioned fate because I met a lady in Jacksonville who befriended me and for some reason I was comfortable enough to tell her the story of my abuse. My parents had been pressing me to write a letter to the diocese and with my friend, Rita's help and encouragement on March 16th, 2002, I spent a heart-wrenching day and a half reliving the torment. Twenty-one years after the initial abuse I finally had the courage to put the experiences of my abuse on paper. Weeks later is when the clergy abuse scandal in Boston erupted. All of this time I felt I was the only one who had been abused and now came to realize that many others had also suffered. My letter was sent to Arch Bishop Pilarczyk and to the Hamilton County and Shelby County Prosecuting Attorneys. In July of that year, my parents, my grandma Tebbe, and my Godfather, went with me to meet with the Archbishop. Later they will tell you the outcome of that meeting. I felt there would be justice served for the crime committed against me however I soon discovered that the physical abuse wasn't the only crime that I would have to endure. I wanted to find out if I was the only victim and thought by speaking with the bishop I could have some resolve. But I soon learned that it was the abuser and not me who was being protected.
I thought that fate was on the side of the survivors. Ohio Senate Bill 17, which would offer a 1 year window for survivors to bring forth their cases in court, passed the senate with a unanimous vote, spearheaded in large part by Senator Mark Dann. But was later denied by the house with the intense efforts of the Ohio bishops, their attorneys and lobbyists, with much backdoor arm twisting. This once again proved that it was not the children who were important, but the need to protect the establishment. During the testimonies Bishop Gumbleton came forward with his own testimony of abuse, and his plea to pass Senate Bill 17 with the one- year window. However, this to fell on deaf ears. Our entire family was disheartened by the evil that our church was producing. We sought out bishop Gumbleton who graciously met with us several times, and who gave us wonderful guidance. We know now that he, too, has been ostracized for his dedication to the survivors. Even in his own pain he is still willing to lend support to our family.
Several months later, as fate would have it, I was offered the position in Dallas that I had been seeking. I mention fate, because it was in Dallas where I met this beautiful woman sitting next to me, my wife Brenda. On our first date, after several hours of talking, she not only heard the story of my abuse, but I learned that she was a deeply faith filled Christian woman. We married a little over a year after our first date. With this marriage I became a step-father of 3 God filled children as well. Although I am no longer Catholic, it has been with their love and support that I have been able to begin my journey back to God. Brenda and I decided together to take a different career path. We both became Flight Attendants and are now able to spend our work days together. We meet thousands of people every week, and enjoy the fun we have with each other and our customers. But it only takes one man in a roman collar walking onto the plane to instantly take my mind back to the rectory bedroom as a twelve year old. Undoubtedly, he will sit in my section on the plane, and his breath will smell of stale coffee, because that was all I could smell as I was being abused. Brenda, sensing my distress will take my place, because I cannot emotionally handle the situation.
I have mentioned fate several times throughout my story. Was it fate that brought me to JAX? Was it fate that prompted me to write my letter on March 16th, which coincidently was my late Grandma Hoehne’s birthday who always prayed for her 39 grandchildren? Was it fate that my 90 year old grandmother was by my side while I met with the bishop. Was it fate that brought me to DAL? Was it fate that introduced me to my wife? Was it fate that elected Senator Mark Dann to Attorney General where he continues to work for the abused? Was it fate that brought Bishop Gumbleton into our lives? I know now that it was not fate that was leading me, but has been God all along, not only helping me to survive the pain of abuse, but also placing people in my life to help me through the hardest times.
As silly as this sounds, I've been one of the fortunate victims. I know of others who have not even today been able to speak of their abuse, have committed suicide because of their pain, have led a life of self destruction through drugs or alcohol, or have had a lifetime of therapy. However, there are survivors that are now dedicating their lives in an effort to find justice for all of us. So I would like to say a personal thank you to the leaders of the snap organization and also voice of the faithful who continue to support us. And I thank God for bringing me here today. It is my hope with the continued work of committed people like yourselves that the victims will one day find their deserved justice. Thank You.
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Bren
By the time David and I started dating, the media had profusely publicized the clergy abuse nationally. I was aware of the basic facts, but had never actually met someone who had been abused. My immediate response to David's story was compassion for him, and sorrow for anyone at any age having to go through that, but I also felt much anger. I hope not to offend anyone here today, and I sincerely apologize if I do. I am not Catholic. I was not raised Catholic. So I have had a very difficult time understanding how any organization can physically, emotionally and spiritually abuse the children of it's members, yet protect the abusers, and hide the abusers, and move the abusers, and support the abusers, and pay the abusers, and encourage the abusers, and allow the abusers, and promote the abusers, (they encourage the abuse by allowing it, they allow it by moving them and continuing to pay them with the money provided by the innocent members) AND...this organization is supposed to be of GOD?? Does Mary, Mother of God, approve of her children being violated? I still don't understand how the Bishop, Cardinal, Pope, whoever...can lie about all this, and it be okay...it's all just accepted. If Jesus were to lie, to be proven time and time again in a lie, then I would have no faith as a Christian. How can you have faith in someone that proclaims something, then they go against their own word then lie to protect them selves. There is no accountability, no responsibility for actions. Just as you listen to a terrible accident on the news and your emotions run, like recently with the Virginia Tech incident or how about the Amish children here in Ohio about 6 months ago. Your emotions run and it’s so upsetting, but when the clip is done you go on with your day. It would be easy to think you can just move on. Living with David, however, I know that his story is never over...the clip is never done. The memories don't stop playing for him to just go on with his life. Nor does it for anyone close to a survivor.
There needs to be a change. In my faith, I am as much a representative of Christ as the pastor. I also need to be able to trust him and all the clergy to financially support its ministry. There are definately consequences for actions taken in my church and I like that accountability. As I see it...until the people of the Catholic church make a change, there will be no change. The hierarchy will continue as it has for the last 2000 years and so goes the abuse and the deterioration of peoples' faith.