Victims may keep abuse secret for years

TEXAS-Denton Record-Chronicle, December 17, 2006 
By Donna Fielder, Staff Writer

It is not unusual for victims who were sexually abused
as children to wait until adulthood to make the abuse public, experienced counselors
say.Feelings of confusion, betrayal and guilt often are so overwhelming thatthey are
suppressed, and sometimes it takes years for a victim to be ableto confront what happened,
psychologists say. Dr. Karen Cogan is a licensed psychologist with a private practice
who also works at the University of North Texas Counseling and Testing Center.“This has
been one of my areas of expertise for many years now,” Cogansaid. “Often it takes the
victim many years to come to terms with what has happened and understand it enough to come forward and tell people. Theymay have tried and not been believed by other adults in their lives. Who wants to deal with that, having people think it didn’t happen or that
they brought it on themselves?”  Telling the story is reliving it, Cogan said.“They have to
be at a very strong place in their lives to bring it up,”she said. Cogan is not familiar
with the local cases but was speaking in generalterms. Adult victims commonly struggle with
their memories and emotions, and may turn to alcohol or drugs, or develop eating disorders,
she said.“It is very typical for people to self-medicate because they are dealing with such
intense emotions. When they hit bottom, they get into treatment,” she said. “What comes
out is this abuse that has happened.Through treatment, they learn more healthy means.
Bringing it out is one way of healing in a productive, healthy way.”Cogan said she rarely
sees a case in which a woman is lying about being sexually abused as a child. The whole
process of making something so intense, so embarrassing and humiliating public is not an
experience most people want to take on, she said. “Typically, the abuser is an authority
figure. She [the victim] may share some personal things with him,” she said. “Then, if he
starts violating her in some way, there’s, ‘Who can I trust?’ He is able to influence
her and to convince her to keep a secret.”Merry Evenson is a licensed professional
counselor working at Texas Woman’s University who has been in private practice for 26
years. She is not familiar with the local lawsuits. She also has worked on sexual
abuse cases for years.“I never intended to specialize in working with survivors of sexual
abuse,but that’s who walks through my door,” she said.She says she has not seen a case
involving a grown woman lying about being abused as a youth.“I never have seen that. I have
heard things, but it’s kids who are angry with a parent or stepparents who do that,” she
said. “I am not seeing people who are making that up to hurt someone else.”Many times, a
young victim does not have anyone she trusts well enough to tell something she feels such
shame about. So she suppresses it. Then she begins having problems she doesn’t even
associate with the abuse, Evenson said.Troubled marriages, promiscuity, addictions and
suicide attempts are common with such women, she said.“A lot of people I see come in for
another issue and we work on that, and then this issue comes up. And what I’m seeing is
that it’s not unusual for people in their 30s or 40s to begin dealing with that issue. They
are finally ready,” Evenson said. “A lot of people have to get healthier insome respects
before they can even process and deal with this issue. It was so uncomfortable and so awful
and they feel so much shame, but they say they’re not going to let it affect them. They
don’t want to talk aboutit and they think they’re getting away from it. But in fact, it’s
who theyare.”It’s common for perpetrators to have more than one victim, she said.“People
who have perpetrated, unless they have gotten help, are going to continue to perpetrate,”
she said.An adult has a great power differential over a young person, and often there is a
tremendous amount of “grooming” or slowly manipulating thevictim into accepting the abuse,
Evenson said.Youngsters who are sexually abused often are made to feel like co-conspirators
in the abuse. They may achieve sexual gratification and feel guilty about that. They may be
made to feel like they have a special,secret relationship, she said.“If it went on more
than once, then the feeling is, ‘I’m in on it. I’m to blame and I can’t tell anybody.’ They
often will go to great lengths to protect that person,” she said.When they decide to make
the abuse public, they finally are coping with the fact that a crime was committed against
them, Evenson said.“They’re saying to the perpetrator, I know what you did." ”*************************************************************************************